10. New Script (OS 2.0)

“And then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” (Anais Nin)

KEY THOUGHT: Initially, you had no say in your OS (Operating System or Original Script). You do, however, have a choice now.

 

BUSIC THEMES: Needing to cut strings or chains, Getting off the circle, Saying goodbye to the past, New definitions of “good,” Uncharted territory

“Growing up is the act of stepping from childhood into adulthood. Actually it is more of a fearful leap than a step, and it is a leap that many people never really take in their lifetimes.” (M. Scott Peck) 

 

 

“You always have the option of unplugging the chip and changing the program.” (Deepak Chopra)

 

 

“The good news is that the moment you decide that what you know is more important that what you have been taught to believe, you will have shifted gears in your quest for abundance.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

 

 

“Letting go the old is important to make space for the new. Even old behaviors you think define your personality need to be released in order for a new manifestation to arise.” (Colette Baron-Reid)

 

“Wherever we are, we can take a deep breath, feel our bodies, open our senses, and step out of the endless stories of the mind.” (Jack Kornfeld)

 

 

“Once you identify the false benefits you’re reaping from holding onto your old stories, you can start the process of letting them go and replace them with new empowered ones that serve the adult you.” (Jen Sincero)

 

 

“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves.” (Ghandi)

Now that I had turned the ocean liner of my life toward authenticity and personal passions, I really started to get some traction at living in the present. I decided it was finally time to rewrite my original script by taking the pen from others and putting it in my own hands. So I started the busic playlist New Script (OS 2.0). However, much to my dismay, when trying to live out this new script, I still often stumbled upon what felt like roadblocks.

Allotting time for passivity and play had definitely increased my access to enjoyment. But I always stopped short of being truly child-like, without any focus on benefit or result.  True play has a fun-loving quality to it that felt so diametrically opposed to proving that it remained out of reach.

Likewise, the ability to be sincere and authentic had gone hand-in-hand with greater self-worth and assertiveness. But I still always cut myself off before being comfortably self-assured when stating my own views. Self-assured still had a not “nice” flavor to it, which was so opposed to my original pleasing, that it also felt inaccessible.

Whenever I tried to incorporate these new more playful and self-assured aspects, which were so markedly different from my original script, I would hit a wall. My ego-mind would set up its familiar roadblocks.

  • “If you continue going passive on me and start playing around, you’ll be seen as incapable and disabled – just like before.”
  • “Self-assured? Why would you want that? The people who say what they think are bossy and other people don’t like them. You want to go there again?”

These roadblocks often short-circuited my efforts. I would think of something that would feel pleasurable – like a hot pad on my shoulders. I would heat the pad in the microwave but then never go back to pick it up. OR I would think of something I wanted to say – like a request for my husband to do something differently – but then never find the time to actually say it. It felt like I was fighting with myself.

My ego-mind clearly didn’t want me to move in the direction I knew I still needed to go. Needed, that is, if I wanted to use the theory of personality cross training to help me get closer to living in the present.

The reason why I was still stymied in my attempts to make change was best explained by Deepak Chopra. Here’s the bad news of what he says:

“If our whole idea of self is based on past conditioning, the only way to gain another kind of self-conception is to gain a new experience that goes beyond conditioning.” (Deepak Chopra)

Thus, there’s a Catch 22 to being human: Any particular original script was created by a particular set of experiences. To create a new script, you need to have new experiences. But you can’t get those new experiences because your original script determines your experiences. I called this the Closed-Loop Problem.

My particular experiences had caused my original proving and pleasing scripts. To get a new script, I had to experience alternative interactions that would support the development of new beliefs and behavioral patterns. But I couldn’t get those alternative experiences because my original script was still hell bent on supporting its familiar patterns.

As I kept a critical eye on my behaviors, I began to see how I was getting in my own way. It wasn’t that any external circumstances prevented me from living in the present with acceptance of my self-assured and playful aspects. I was standing in my way with the behaviors I continued to  choose.

Here are two quotes from my journal of that time:

  • People don’t give me support because I don’t say I need support since I’m still overly focused on productivity in order to look capable. AND the reason I want to look capable is that I still have underlying fears about being disabled.
  • People don’t pay attention to my feelings because I don’t say what I’m really feeling since I’m still overly focused on being accommodating in order to look considerate. AND the reason I want to look considerate is that I still have underlying fears about being rejected.

My original script had been built on fear. Or, more specifically, on the assumption of the need for fear. The fear that others would always see only my disabilities and never acknowledge my abilities. And the fear that others would always see my differences and never allow me to be included. This mistrust of others was imbedded in what I had been taught to believe and in the ways I had been taught to behave. My ego-mind was still unwilling to let go of its fear-based survival tactics.

About this time, I got a perfect lesson for the need to let go of past programming and foundational fears … from our dog. Every morning, we invite her up onto the bed for some snuggle time. Every day, after about five minutes, she gets up turns around and lays down facing out toward the bedroom door. Clearly, protection is her hardwired, fear-based pattern. So when I say to her, “You know, Shaina, there haven’t been any wolves here in Southwest Florida for hundreds of years,” her doggie-mind always replies, “And I plan to keep it that way.”

Like Shaina, I was afraid that if I weren’t proving and showing what I could do, the wolf of being seen as disabled would be back at my door. Likewise, my fear that if I weren’t pleasing and accommodating to others’ opinions, the wolf of being teased for being different would be biting my heals. Those fears kept me out of the wide open possibilities actually available in the present moment. That’s why the acronym for F.E.A.R. is: False Evidence Appearing Real.

So I took a new stance in relation to my underlying fears by asking myself one question: Do I really need to be that afraid? That simple question gave me breathing room to make different choices than my fear-based programming wanted me to make. As Wes Nisker said, all that’s needed is “shifting out of gear into neutral, disengaging the drive shaft of our survival brain and putting our reactive self in idle.”

With this understanding, I finally got to the point where I could hear my ego-mind’s fears, but not need to heed what was said. I began to be able to subdue my tendency to feel anxious if tasks were incomplete or imperfect and to quiet my impulse to feel on edge if other people were displeased with me. With these modifications in my feelings and brave conscious awareness, I began to be able to make different choices.

I became less intimidated about asking for help and saying what I really thought. I started to say things like: “That’s hard for me.” Or “I need some help.” Likewise, saying things like “I don’t like how you’re treating me” or “You’ve hurt my feelings” had also been disallowed as choices. It was true that telling the kids on the playground that they had hurt my feelings, would have been unwise. But I wasn’t with those kids anymore. So now I brought those choices back.

These were precisely the new experiences I needed in order to get off the Closed Loop and create my New Script. Once armed with that script, I began to live more fully into the open field of possibilities. That is the gift of any new script: the freedom to make new choices in this present moment and in all of the present moments yet to come.

Back in the Dark Sides busic, I said that I had wanted to title it Dark Sides and Vulnerability, but I had avoided that title because I was afraid no one would read it. You probably knew the truth. What had been true was that, at that point, I had still been too afraid of my own vulnerability to write about it. I had been too afraid to face the fears of being vulnerable that I had denied all my life. But at this point, I had finally felt safe enough to unpack my childhood fears and trust that all would be well.

I think you hear that level of trust in the lyrics of the songs in this New Script busic. The images are clear: breaking chains; cutting strings to the sky; rolling away the stone; getting off the circle; defying gravity; and my personal favorite, not dancing to someone else’s beat. The songs honor the human ability to grow into new ways of being… even when you are unsure what in-the-world you are doing. In the words of Ray Bradbury: “You jump off the cliff and you build your wings on the way down.” 

The ability to let go of an original script and create a new script is provided by the human capacity for consciousness, which allows seeing and stepping away from established patterns. That level of consciousness, when paired with the courage to relinquish the grounding previously provided by a pre-set original script is all that is needed. Still, such endeavors are never easy. As Faulkner said: “You cannot swim to new horizons unless you have courage to lose sight of the shore.” 

10. A New Script (OS 2.0)

All Fired Up – Pat Benatar

  • “Now I believe there comes a time – When everything just falls in line – We live and learn from our mistakes – The deepest cuts are healed by faith.”

This song describes what it feels like to live with an outdated script. “Livin’ with my eyes closed, goin’ day to day. I never knew the difference, I never cared either way.” Are you still living with your original script’s outdated  perspective?

All I Know So Far – P!nk

  • “I wish someone would have told me that this life is ours to choose – No one’s handing you the keys or a book with all the rules.”

As you create your New Script, P!NK wants you to remember: “Let ‘em drag you through hell. They can’t tell you to change who you are.” Most of all, always “live like your life is on the line.” Because it is.

The Cave –  Mumford & Sons

  • “So make your siren’s call – And sing all you want – I will not hear what you have to say – ‘Cause I need freedom now – And I need to know how – To live my life as it’s meant to be.”

Sirens are mythical creatures that lured sailors to danger with their mesmerizing singing. What script’s call do you need to ignore? How can you “walk away from all the fears and faults” ?

Circles – Colbie Caillat

  • “I was running in circles – Was only a matter of time – Before I found myself drowning in troubled lies.”

Caillat describes how your script keeps you stuck in the same fear-based patterns. “Was staring back at what I’d seen for a long, long time…. Until I found myself spinning in rewind.” How could you “get free from the circle”?

Defying Gravity –Idina Menzel

  • “Something has changed within me – Something is not the same – I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game.”

“Defying Gravity” from Wicked is the perfect metaphor for fighting the Closed-Loop Problem. What would it take for you to defy the gravitational pull of your original script and “close your eyes and leap?”

Here I Go Again – Whitesnake

  • “I don’t know where I’m going – But I sure know where I’ve been – Hanging on the promises in songs of yesterday.”

The first step to writing a New Script is a personal assessment of “where you’ve been.” What do you need to see “on your own”, without the input of others, to write your new script?

Hold On – Wilson Phillips

  • “I know this pain – Why do you lock yourself up in these chains? – No one can change your life except for you – Don’t ever let anyone step all over you.”

The song puts the task of writing a New Script back in your own hands. Its questions are direct: “Don’t you think it’s worth your time to change your mind?” – “Or are you comfortable with the pain?”

Human – The Killers

  • “So long to devotion – You taught me everything I know – Wave goodbye, wish me well – You gotta let me go.”

Every original script turns us into “dancers” following prescribed moves and afraid to step out of line. What definitions of “grace and virtue” were prescribed by your dance steps? How could you wave goodbye to those definitions?

I Have Decided – Amy Grant

  • “There’s a wealth of things that I profess, I said that I believed – But deep inside I never changed – I guess I’d been deceived.”

This is another song about loosening the grip of your script’s definition of  good. “I have decided being good is just a fable. I just can’t cause I’m not able.”  What traits that were defined as “good” can you now see as a fable based on fear?

Keep Your Eyes Open –  NEEDTOBREATHE

  • “Cause if you never leave home, never let go – You’ll never make it to the great unknown.”

“Opening your eyes” is another metaphor for writing a New Script. “Tear down the prison walls. Don’t start the curtain call. Your chains will never fall until you do.”  What do you need to do to before your “curtain call”?

Let It Go – Idina Menzel

  • “Be the good girl you always have to be – Conceal, don’t feel – Don’t let them know – Well, now they know.”

In the movie “Frozen,” Queen Elsa decides to stop hiding who she was.  She had reached the pivotal point necessary for re-scripting: “And the fears that once controlled me can’t get to me at all.” What fears do you need to release?

Lost Highway – Bon Jovi

  • “I finally found my way – Say goodbye to yesterday – Hit the gas there ain’t no brakes on the lost highway.”

Bon Jovi describes the freedom in “letting go” of an old script. “I don’t know where I’m going, but I know where I’ve been. And I’m afraid of going back again.” If you “kick off the cruise control,” where will the “Lost Highway” take you?

Maybe – Sick Puppies

  • “Maybe it’s time to change – And leave it all behind.” 

Feelings of uncertainty often accompany the desire to write a New Script. “Maybe it’s hopeless. Maybe I should just give up.” But you the key questions still push you on: “Why does it feel so wrong to reach for something more? To want to live a better life? What am I waiting for?”

Roll Away Your Stone – Mumford & Sons

  • “It’s not the long walk home that will change this heart – But the welcome I receive with a restart.”

Rolling away the stone is a metaphor for the rebirth allowed by a New Script. “These here are my desires. And I won’t give them up to you this time around.” Where does your “newly impassioned soul” want you to plant your stake?

Some of It – Eric Church

  • “Some of it you learn the hard way – Some of it you read on a page – Some of it comes from heartbreak – Most of it comes with age.”

“When you get the choice to sit it out or dance,” what choice do you make? How can write a New Script so you won’t “look back on your years and wonder where those years have gone” ?

Transform – Julianne Hough

  • “I, I don’t wanna change – I wanna transform – Be me but better than I was before.”

Your old script is encoded in the unstoppable “voice of your mind.” Changing that voice is like “swimming up against the ocean tide.” Only by writing a New Script can you “own every part of you” and “create your identity.”

Uncharted – Sara Bareilles

  • “I’m already out, of foolproof ideas, so don’t ask me how to get started – It’s all uncharted”

Any new script must lead into “uncharted territory.” How much does that feeling of risk hold you back? What new beliefs would allow you to choose “flame over burning out”?

Unity – Shinedown

  • “It’s the map in my mind that sends me on my way – They say it’s never too late to stop being afraid.”

“Have you ever been caught in a sea of despair? And your moment of truth is the day that you say ‘I’m not scared.’” What might say you’re not scared of anymore, so that you can write your own New Script and “put your hands in the air”?

Unwritten – Natahsa Bedingfield

  • “I am unwritten, can’t read my mind – I’m undefined – I’m just beginning, the pen’s in my hand – Ending unplanned.”

What better invitation to writing a New Script than: “Today is where your book begins”? Can you hear the call to your uniqueness in: “No one else can feel it for you. Only you can let it in.  No one else can speak the words on your lips”?

You’re Only Human (Second Wind) – Billy Joel

  • “So take it from me, you’ll learn more from your accidents – Than anything you could ever learn at school – Don’t forget that second wind.”

Every original script has blind spots that cause you to “feel like a stumbling fool.” But “You’re allowed to make your share of mistakes.” With that acceptance, can you “catch your second wind,” and sail off with your own New Script?

CONCLUSION

Buddhist teachers often use a koan, a paradoxical riddle, to help students see a new perspective. Here’s a koan for writing your new script:

The student was about to embark on the journey of life. The teacher asked the student, “Would you like a map or a boat?” The student immediately responded, “I’ll take the map.”

After many years, the student returned to study with the teacher. After some time, the student was again ready to embark on a journey. The teacher re-asked, “Would you like a map or a boat?” After some deliberation, the student responded, “I’ll take the boat.”

This koan is a metaphor for the passage from an original script to a new script. Every original script was predicated on the mapped-out ideas of other people. Only by letting go of the preconceived notions contained in somebody else’s map, can you begin to follow the actual flow of your life. As Luvvie Ajayi Jones said, “Often, when we want something that doesn’t come with a manual, we are afraid of it because we could lose our way since there’s no map.”  Perhaps it’s time to create your own map.

[(CARTOON – FIRST FRAME) TWO PEOPLE HOLDING BOOKS TITLED ”MANUAL OF LIVING.” BOTH AS THEY LOOK INTO THE OTHER PERSON’S BOOK. (SECOND FRAME) ONE PERSON SAYING TO OTHER: “THOSE PAGES WERE TORN OUT OF MY MANUAL.”]

NEW APP
Vision Board

By now, everyone’s heard of using a vision board to provide a concrete visual to support your intentions. Since this busic, New Script (2.0), is all about setting new intentions, a vision board can provide great reinforcement.

Clearly vision boards support using a visual modality. Look for images that generate or express the feelings you would like to manifest. You can also support a tactile-kinesthetic modality by  finding images of people involved in activities or situations that you would like to create. The auditory path can be engaged by adding inspirational or motivational phrases to your board.

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I’ve used a vision board for years. I keep a print version in my office. But the one I like best is an app from Hay House. The reason I like the app, as opposed to the print version, is that I keep the app on my phone. I open the app each morning, so that I can carry my visions with me throughout the day.

There are lots of vision board instructions and apps out there. Create your own personal vision board, print or digital. Use it to help you see and attain the personal intensions set by your new script.

OPERATING SYSTEM UPDATE
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or The Enneagram

In creating a new script it’s helpful to have a clear view of both your positive qualities and the negative ones that your ego-mind wants to disown. In this endeavor, the two most well-known personality typologies, Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and The Enneagram, can provide good grounding. Either of these tools can help you look at yourself from a more holistic and objective standpoint.

Myers-Briggs outlines four pairs of characteristics. Within each pair, an individual will be typically more comfortable with one style than the other. These four tendencies are then combined to form a matrix of sixteen different personality types. I see each pair of attributes as answering a different question:

  • Where do you focus? Introvert – Extravert
  • How do perceive input? Intuitive – Sensory
  • How do you process output? Feeling – Thinking
  • When do you focus? Perceiving – Judging

This typology is known for helping people gain insights into interpersonal dynamics.

The Enneagram divides the types into three segments depending on the person’s primary way of engaging: emotional, intellectual, or physical. Each segment is further subdivided into three specific types:

  • Heart Types – The Helper, The Achiever, The Individualist
  • Head Types -The Investigator, The Skeptic, The Enthusiast
  • Body Types – The Challenger, The Peacemaker, The Perfectionist

This typology is strongest in exploring the primary flaws of any given operating system.

One of the most challenging obstacles to any personal growth is recognizing your own shadow. As Carl Jung once said, the shadow is “the person you would rather not be.” But honoring all parts of you is a necessary step in becoming healthy and whole. From that honest place, it becomes much easier to create your own new script.

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