2. Aliveness

Alive or dead really are the only two choices.

KEY THOUGHT: The only way to avoid regrets at the end of your life is to cherish feeling alive while you’re still living.

 

BUSIC THEMES: Wake up, Breathe, It’s good to be alive, You can’t flip the hourglass, Last time for everything

“Appreciation of life itself, becoming suddenly aware of the miracle of being alive, on this planet, can turn what we call ordinary life into a miracle.” (Dan Wakeman)

 

 

“Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it. The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe to it. Being alive is the meaning.” (Joseph Campbell)

 

 

“Through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.” (Agatha Christie)

 

 

“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasure.” (Thornton Wilder)

 

 

“It’s a very short trip. While alive, live!” (Malcolm Forbes)

 

 

 

“Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell and when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.” (William Saroyan)

I called the second busic Aliveness. That’s because all my efforts to access the present moment had led me to a very distressing conclusion: I was not really alive to the present moments of my own life. The critical question thus became: “How did I get in this mess?”

In order to answer that question, I need to share some things about the person who created these busics in a valiant attempt to realign her life. Specifically, how that person came to have an overriding desire to let get of the need for perfection and performing and figure out how to live in the present moment.

I was born in the 50’s with what I refer to as an aces and deuces hand. My aces presented as the three qualities that most people think you can’t get enough of: I have always been relatively thin, rich, and smart. I had been gifted with those cards.

But what I didn’t have was a left leg. I was born physically deformed. My left leg is missing below the knee, my right foot is a clubfoot, and my face has a somewhat pushed in appearance due to lack of cartilage in my nose. So much for my deuces.

In today’s world, my circumstances would not have been quite so dire. The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) has markedly altered people’s conception of physical handicaps. But at that time, I had to prove that I could go up the flight of stairs at the local public school before I was allowed to attend.

Some factors of that time, however, did work in my favor. The doctor who realigned my club foot told my parents, “Show her no sympathy, and she’ll be fine.” My parents, being parents of the 50’s, followed the doctor’s orders without question. This meant I grew up with two mottos imprinted on my forehead:

  • “You can do anything and you don’t need any help.”
  • “If you let the kids who are teasing you know that it gets to you, they’ll just tease you more. Show them who you are, and they’ll come around.”

As you might expect, these beliefs led to some very positive outcomes. I learned how to be both capable (able to succeed at tasks that others expected to be beyond me) and considerate (able to put aside judgments and search for the best in others). That was the good news.

The bad news is equally predictable. My successes were driven by a deep-seated need for getting credit from others for what I could do. I had been specifically taught to step out of my own perception of my experience. My signposts read in all caps: MONITOR AND ADJUST HOW YOU ARE SEEN. I constantly stood outside myself looking back at myself in an effort to look more normal and fit in. If I could do that, I believed that somehow, someday, sometime, I might be seen as I really was, not as I appeared to be.

What I finally came to realize was that there was a very simple reason that I couldn’t access the present: The present existed only as a place to pass through in order to get to a different future. My programming was intended to get me out of where I was and how I was perceived. That programming was never intended to keep me where I was – that is, in the actual moments of my life as I was experiencing them.

A key to loosening the death-grip of my old programming came when I created the chart below in my journal. The chart had three columns labeled Past, Present, and Future and two rows labeled Evaluating and Experiencing.

 

Past

Present

Future

Evaluating

analyze

accomplish

arrange

Experiencing

accept

appreciate

anticipate

In the top row, the focus is on evaluating life. When living life in the evaluating row, I would analyze the past, accomplish in the present, and arrange the future. Jackson Browne could have been singing to me: “You watch yourself from the sidelines like your life is a game you don’t mind playing to keep yourself amused. I don’t mean to be cruel babe, but you’re lookin’ confused.”

In the bottom row, the focus is on experiencing life. When in experience mode, there is an underlying tenor of enjoyment, instead of endurance.  When living in the experiencing row, you accept the past, appreciate the present, and anticipate the future. And the real juice and joy in that bottom row is found when experiencing life in the present.

The chart helped me realize that my original belief system was causing me to spend my entire life – past, present, and future – in the top row.  Because of my underlying fears around being disabled and rejected, I was always evaluating my life and never actually living it.

Needless to say, I found the recognition that I was never actually experiencing my life rather disconcerting. It was like I was living with one eye back over my shoulder to see how I was being perceived by others and the other eye toward the future looking for that next gold ring. Clearly that stance would never allow the sense of relaxed ease and self-assured grounding necessary for living in the moment.

With that realization came the understanding that I couldn’t keep doing what I had been doing and get the results I wanted, which was to feel alive in the present moment. I had to move away from any need for performing in order to produce a supposed perfection, and into my life as it actually existed right here and now.

The Aliveness busic helped move me in that direction. The songs consistently emphasized the finiteness of life. The lyrics reinforced the need to stay present and alive in the precious moments that had previously passed me by. I learned that simple things like dancing in my living room gave me the greatest pleasure. (You probably find that somewhat surprising, but the truth is I am a great dancer. The real shocking part is that I had never, ever, done it before.) I got addicted to American Idol and The Voice. Yet when I told my oldest son about my newfound love of singing competitions, he replied, “I didn’t know you knew how to turn on the TV.”

These real experiences of living my life strengthened my resolve to live with more aliveness. And, as I had come to understand, savoring the sense of being alive could only happen in the moment. Best of all, not only did I clearly hear this call to greater aliveness, I was finally ready to listen. 

2. Aliveness

The Days 

  • “It’s knowin’ that it’s flying away – And there’s no way to slow it down – Instead of counting up the days – I just wanna make ’em count.”

Whitters says the idea that “you can’t get back all those moments that really matter,” hit her like a hammer. For me, that thought is more like a nagging toothache. When and how does the idea that “life is flying away and there’s no way to slow it down” strike you?

Five More Minutes – Scotty McCreery

  • “Time rolls by the clock don’t stop – I wish I had a few more drops – Of the good stuff, the good times – Ah, but they just keep on flyin’ – Right on by like it aint’ nothin.’

When in your life did you wish for “a pause button”? At some point, “this old life will have you wishing that you had five more minutes.” What could you do to lessen any later regrets?

Fresh Eyes – Andy Grammar

  • “Appreciation, well, it comes and it goes – But I, I’ll ride that wave with you – It’s human nature to miss what’s under your nose.”

What are you missing because “it’s right under your nose”? What would it take to give you “Fresh Eyes” on your partner, your job, your life? Looking at the world as if you’ve never seen it before is one key to feeling alive. 

Good to Be Alive – Jason Gray

  • “I wanna live like there’s no tomorrow – Love like I’m on borrowed time – it’s good to be alive.”

This song asks: “Is this really the life that I’m living?” Can you feel the appreciation for being alive that underlies that query?  The song also asks: Are you “taking your life for granted”? What aspects of your life do you take for granted?

Good to Be Alive (Hallelujah) – Andy Grammer

  • “And it’s good to be alive right about now – Good, good, good, good to be alive right about now.”

Andy Grammer’s first album was produced in 2011, but it wasn’t until 2014 that Honey I’m Good topped the charts. His lyrics remind that life will always have challenging times and wondrous times. In the good times, do you remember to say, “Pretty good to be alive right about now”?

  I’m Alive – Kenny Chesney

  • “So damn easy to say life’s so hard – Everyone’s got their share of battle scars – As for me, I’d like to thank my lucky stars that I’m alive and well.”

“Breathing in and out’s a blessing, can’t you see?” What would it take for you to recognize that blessing for what it is – a gift that won’t last forever?

If Today Was Your Last Day – Nickelback

  • “My best friend gave me the best advice – He said each day’s a gift and not a given right.”

These lyrics say it all: “If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late, could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last?” What would it take for you to do those things right now?

It’s a Great Day to Be Alive – Travis Tritt


• “And it’s a great day to be alive – I know the sun’s still shinin’ when I close my eyes – There’s some hard times in the neighborhood – But why can’t everyday be just this good?”

Life is all about the little things that make you glad to be alive, like homemade soup. Do you acknowledge the little things that make you feel most like yourself and most alive? If no, why in-the-world not?

Last Time for Everything – Braid Paisley


• “Last call, last chance – Last song, last dance – Sometimes you just don’t know when that’s gonna be – Hold me baby, give me a kiss – Like tonight is all there is – Cause there’s a last time for everything.”


What last times were important to you?”? How could accepting the fact that you often don’t know your “last times” in advance help you appreciate the times of your life now?

Like I’m Gonna Lose You – Meghan Trainor

  • “So I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you – I‘m gonna hold you like I’m saying goodbye – Wherever we’re standing I won’t take you for granted – ‘Cause we’ll never know when we’ll run out of time.”

This is another song that highlights the finiteness of life. Who do you need to love like you’re gonna lose? “ ‘Cause no, we’re not promised tomorrow… and we’ll never know when we’ll run out of time.”

Live Like We’re Dying – Kris Allen

  • “We gotta start – Looking at the hands of the time we’ve been given – If this is all we got then we gotta start thinking – If every second counts on a clock that’s ticking – Gotta live like we’re dying.”

These lyrics pose two questions: “If your plane fell out of the skies, who would you call with your last goodbye?” And “If your life flashed before you, what you wished you would’ve done?” What is preventing you from doing those things now?

Live Like You Were Dying – Tim McGraw

  • “And he said, “Someday I hope you get the chance – To live like you were dying.”

The line that gets me is: “Like tomorrow was a gift, and you got eternity to think about what did you do with it.”  If you received a terminal diagnosis, what would you do differently? And… Why does it have to take the fear of dying to impel you to live that life?

Our Time – Nick Howard

  • “This is our time, this is the moment -These are our lives, and we gotta fight – For what we believe, believe in what’s right – We are alive, alive, alive”

This song  reinforces that you don’t get a “good life” or a “bad life.” All you get is your life. It’s your job to create what you want in that life. What life would make you want to shout out: I am “alive”?

Precious  Time – Van Morrison

  • “It doesn’t matter to which God you pray – Precious time is slipping away.”

The importance of living in the moment because of the finiteness of life is clearly not a new message. As Van Morrison states, “It doesn’t matter what route you take, sooner or later the hearts going to break.” What helps you remember that “Everything in life just passes away”?

So Alive – The Goo Goo Dolls

  • “Take it to the world, gonna sing it like an anthem – I’m so alive, I’m so alive, I’m so alive”

Living with a sense of aliveness is an inside game. “Don’t tell me how it feels. I’ll find it on my own.” No one can feel the sense of aliveness for you. What fears keep you from feeling the joy of  being alive? Never gonna live if you’re too scared to die.” 

Time In a Bottle – Jime Croce

  • “There never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do, once you find them.”

Which things that you like do fail to make time for? “If you could save time in a bottle,” which of your days would you have wanted to save? How alive to those days were you when you were living them?

 We’re Here For a Good Time (Not a Long Time) – Trooper

  • “So have a good time – The sun can’t shine every day.”

This song is couched as advice from a friend. It goes beyond the message of the title to say, “Every year has it’s share of tears. And every now and then it’s gotta rain.” How much do you appreciate the short time allotted to your life – even when the sun isn’t shining?

We Will Never Be This Young Again – Ben Rector

  • “This is as alive as we will ever be. – We will never be this young again – so here’s to livin’ while we’re alive.”

Ben Rector tries to tell his friends about the need to “live while we’re alive,” and then Ben’s older self reminds him of the same message. What does your older self want to say to you?

When The Sand Runs Out – Rascal Flatts

  • “Go out on a ledge, without any net – That’s what I’m gonna be about – Yeah I wanna be runnin’ – When the sand runs out.”

The line that hurts is: “People do it every day, promise themselves they’re gonna change.” What have you said you would change, but never did? How could the hourglass metaphor help you make that change before “the sand runs out?”

While You Still Can – Brothers Osborne

  • “Because everything you thought would last forever – Never lasts forever, like you plan – Don’t let your now become a never – So take life by the hands – While you still can.”

What does the image of taking life by the hands conjure up for you? How could you do just that – “while you still can”?

CONCLUSION

Paying attention to the moments in my life (dog walks, sunsets, and docktails – that’s what boaters call cocktails on the dock) lessened the feeling that I was sleepwalking through my own life. And with greater awareness of the life I had before me, I gained a new sense of aliveness.

Being alive to the moments of your life really is the only game in town. As many of the songs in the Alive busic highlighted: each and every game will end someday. In the words of Jackson Browne, “Through every dead and living thing, time runs like a fuse, and the fuse is burning.”

VERY ELDERLY WOMAN (WITH CANE, ETC.) IN DOCTOR’S OFFICE ON EXAMINING TABLE

MALE DOCTOR ASKS, “HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU WAKE UP?” WOMAN ANSWERS, “AMAZED.”

NEW APP
The A, B, C’s of Gratitude

Okay, I stole this idea too, but I adapted it. By now, everyone has heard of Sarah Breathnach’s suggestion to keep a gratitude journal. Each night before bed, you list three things that you’re grateful for. It quickly becomes apparent that it’s not the promotion or the new car that brings the experience of gratitude for being alive.  It’s the simple things like playing with the grandkids or eating a melting ice cream cone on a sunny day.

I call my version, The A,B,C’s of Gratitude. For each letter of the alphabet, list someone or something for which you are grateful. For the letter A, each of us gets to list Alive. As you continue your list, what becomes immanently apparent is just how unique your life is. While lots of people may list ice cream for the letter I, I’m sure there aren’t many who list editing for the letter E. But I am seriously grateful for my lifelong career choice. I’m still searching for my Q, X, and Z, but I know someone else’s unique list has got those letters covered.

OPERATING SYSTEM UPDATE
The Power of NOW and A New Earth – Eckhart Tolle

You’d have to have been hiding under a very big rock not to have heard of Eckhart Tolle’s books by now. But have you read them? And if you have read them, have you reread them? I find each subsequent rereading improves my understanding.

The book that initially started me on my internal journey was Shakti Gawain’s Creative Visualization. Over the years, my understanding of its concepts has deepened with each additional exposure.

All education works that way. Learning is not a linear process but more like an upwards spiral, where revisiting old ideas repeatedly leads to increased comprehension. Nobody ever learned organic chemistry on the first shot. Personal, internal learning is no different. As Eric Church’s song says: “Some of it you learn the hard way. Some of it you read on a page. Some of it comes from heartbreak. Most of it comes with age.”

470 thoughts on “2. Aliveness”

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