5. Uncover Your Original Script

Every Operating System (OS) has been programmed to do exactly what it does and nothing else.

KEY THOUGHT: If the problem is in the OS (Original Script or Operating System) changes to the specific application will be futile.

 

BUSIC THEMES: Waking up, Breaking chains, Set me free, Running from fears, Having a spell on you, Overkill 

“It is important to know why and how you were programmed to feel the way you do, so you can do the work of changing the program. That is one of the most important challenges of your life.” (Oprah Winfrey)

 

“By becoming aware of the lens through which you see your world, you can change your mind and change your life.” (Carolyn Myss)

 

“Awareness is all about restoring your freedom to choose what you want instead of what your past imposes on you.” (Deepak Choprah)

 

“The emotional patterns of our lives are very strong. They often come into being because we’ve needed them to survive. But sooner or later, we all arrive at moments where the very thing that has saved us is killing us, keeping us from truly living. (Mark Nepo)

 

“It’s way more important to uncover old beliefs than to figure out how to’s.” (Claire Zammit)

 

“We are like a sheet of paper that has been rolled for a very long time. If we try to flatten it down on the table, it will roll up again, the moment we lift our hands.” (Dali Lama narrated by Daniel Goleman)

 

“Every single day I try to figure out something I no longer agree to do. You get to change your mind – your parents may have accidentally forgotten to mention this to you.” (Anne Lamott)

I titled the next busic playlist Uncover Your Original Script because, if my ego-mind’s beliefs were as powerful as it seemed, then I needed to learn more about those beliefs and how they might be driving my habitual behaviors and thwarting my attempts to live in the moment. To my delight, I found lots of songs about the desire to break free from old patterns.

My goal was to assess my original script’s beliefs and ascertain if any of those beliefs – beliefs that had been necessary to survive my childhood circumstances – were now hampering, rather than serving, the adult I had become. Was my original script causing hidden problems with its inability to see that “too much of a good thing is still too much”? What detrimental aspects were resulting from my failure to maintain the flexibility suggested by personality cross training?  I envisioned the process of uncovering my original script like that of unravelling a tangled skein of yarn. Here’s some of what I found at the end of the string.

My need to Prove my abilities had started because of my desire NOT to be seen as abnormal and defective. That belief had ultimately blossomed into a pattern of always striving to exceed all expectations. I came to see that this pattern had caused a severe case of “Support Deficit.” I hadn’t stepped into the workaholic range where family and friends didn’t exist, but I was still way too far towards always needing to prove my abilities.

I could see now that I lacked support, in good part, because I was desperately trying to look like I didn’t need support. This pattern made me appear highly capable, but it eventually resulted in a deep-seated belief that support was unavailable – at least to me. The proving seed in my original messages had grown from the belief that no one should ever help you, into such beliefs as no one can help you and perhaps even, you don’t deserve help. In this way, I was actually replicating the childhood pattern of constantly needing to prove what I could do… without support.

What I found at the end of my Support Deficit string was a foundational belief that:

  • Vulnerability is bad and should be denied.

My physical vulnerability, which had grown into my need to prove my abilities, was based on the belief that all weaknesses should be hidden. Likewise, my emotional vulnerability, which had grown into my need to hide my more sensitive feelings, was based on the belief that feelings of vulnerability were to be ignored and the pretense of strength to be staunchly maintained.

But there was a major problem with my original script’s attempt to deny my vulnerabilities. The problem was that clearly I was vulnerable. If vulnerability was bad, it meant that I was implicitly bad. And that belief was surely going to keep me proving my abilities forever, in order to show that I wasn’t as “bad” as I appeared.

Likewise, my belief in the need to Please others had resulted from my desire NOT to be rejected and alone, as I had been throughout childhood. That need to please was grounded in the belief that I could, should, and must control the perceptions of others. That desire to control others perceptions is implicit in the use of the word they in both of the mottos I heard as a child:

  • If you show what you can do, they’ll eventually come around and see your abilities instead of your disabilities.
  • If you show that the teasing bothers you, they’ll just tease you more.

The logical outgrowth of the pleasing seed was that I now cared way too much about other’s perceptions of me. I was suffering from what has come to be called “Approval Addiction.”

Because of this addiction, my primary perceptive orientation was how I appeared to others. It was as if I had been stricken with the social media disease, in which maintaining a positive image is critical, way before social media had even existed. The pleasing seed had grown into the belief that I needed to control the perceptions of others in order to be safe. And then in my pleasing behaviors, I was constantly demonstrating this belief to be true.

The foundational belief that I found at the end of my Approval Addiction string was the belief that:

  • Lack of control is dangerous and should be avoided.

Once again, there was an inherent problem with my need to control the perceptions other people had of me and of what I could or couldn’t do. That belief is grounded in the faulty correlation between our outcomes and our self-worth. The truth is I could try my hardest and give my best effort and still in certain circumstances never achieve the desired outcome. The chips can always fall the other way. Lots of external factors would always remain out of my control.

And if control of my outcomes was imaginary, then control of other people’s perceptions of me was even more delusional. People would come with their own needs and wants, and those weren’t in my power to adjust. The belief that I needed to somehow control their reactions to me in order to feel safe was destined to keep me attempting to control the uncontrollable forever.

Clearly, as humans, we don’t ever have total control of either our outcomes or others’ perceptions of us. To equate my Lack of Control with weakness was equally deluded as believing my Vulnerability indicated weakness.

That wasn’t all I came to see. Vulnerability and Lack of Control weren’t just necessarily a part of my life, they were an integral part of any life. Those qualities are merely aspects of being a finite and limited human being. They are the very things that make us human, like falling in love or attempting something new.

Love inevitably makes you vulnerable and without control when something happens to a loved one. Any new growth creates the vulnerable risk of potentially highlighting what you can’t do. And then there’s the ultimate combination of human vulnerability and lack of control – Death. It isn’t possible to live a life without accepting the inevitability of vulnerability and lack of control.

With this understanding, much of the pressure to prove and please began to dissipate, not overnight and certainly not completely. But slowly and surely, the hold my original script had on me began to lessen. And with that freedom, came limited initial access to the present moment. Little by little I was finding a way to step beyond, or perhaps around, the preset moments dictated by my original fear-based script. 

The songs in this Uncover Your Original Script busic supported my growth during the lengthy process of unraveling the tangled web of thoughts that comprised my belief system. I came to see that I wasn’t alone in having bought into beliefs that were no longer serving me. Others were attempting to break the chains of their belief systems, too. 

Most appropriately, the need for disengaging from my original script was brought home to me on Independence Day. Our dog huddled by my side shaking with fear at the loud cracks of fireworks. I so wanted to convince her that her fear of hunters was only in her DNA and not appropriate for her now. But gaining freedom from one’s original programming is never that easy. As Martha Beck said, “Seeing your own original script is like seeing the color of your own eyes.” 

5. Uncover Your Original Script

All We Ever Knew – The Head and the Heart

  • “I know sometimes you get so caught up in a dream – But now it’s time to wake up from this.”

The song uses the metaphor of waking from a dream to represent stepping out of your original script. “All we ever do, is all we ever knew.”  What parts of your original script do you need to wake up from?

Busy Being Fabulous – Eagles

  • ‘Cause you were just too busy being fabulous – Too busy to think about us – Running after something that never comes.”

Have you ever been: “too busy being fabulous”? How does your script keep you “running after something that never comes”? The key question is: “What in the world are you running from?”

Cat’s In The Cradle – Harry Chapin

  • “And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me – He’d grown up just like me – My boy was just like me.”

This is the most famous song about how our original scripts got passed on from our parents. What aspects of your parents’ beliefs were passed on to you? In what ways are those beliefs not appropriate for the person you are today?

Catch My Breath – Kelly Clarkson

  • “Catching my breath, letting it go – Turning my cheek for the sake of the show – Now that you know, this is my life – I won’t be told what’s supposed to be right.”

This song highlights both the proving that leaves me “catching my breath” and the performing in “turning my cheek for the sake of the show.” Which of those behaviors is more familiar to you? 

Closer To Fine – Indigo Girls

  • “There’s more than one answer to these questions pointing me in a crooked line – And the less I seek my source for some definitive – The closer I am to fine.” 

Any original script “wraps our fear around us like a blanket.” In this supposed protection, “Darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable, and lightness has a call that’s hard to hear.” What fears do you keep wrapped around you?

Desperado – The Eagles

  • “Desperado, why don’t you come to your senses? – You been out ridin’ fences for so long now … These things that are pleasin’ you – Can hurt you somehow.”

“Fences” are the boundaries imposed by your original beliefs. “Loosin’ all your highs and lows” are your emotions. In what way have “some fine things have been laid upon your table, but you only want the ones that you can’t get”?

Heaven On Earth – Melissa Etheridge

  • “They fed me fear and violence – They hooked me up to this reality – Now I’m not cursing anyone – They only did what they had done to them.”

When it comes to beliefs: “It doesn’t matter what they painted on you. You can wash it all away tonight.” What part of what was painted on you do you want to wash away?”

I Believe – Bon Jovi

  • “All I know is what I’ve been sold – You can read my life like a fortune told.”

“I Believe” underscores the power of the beliefs in your original script. “All I know is what I’ve been sold.” What lines were you fed that said, “I can’t do this. You can’t do that”? What if “the truth is all you have to have”?

If I Don’t – Hayley Orrantia

  • “I could face myself – Even save myself – Admit that I knew all along – But it’d easier if I don’t – No, it’s easier, so I won’t.”

What reality are not willing to face? How did your script lead you “down the long broken road”? Can you “admit what you knew all along” or, have you gotten “too good at pretend”?

It All Comes True – John Mellencamp

  • Yes, it all comes true – Like a wheel inside a wheel, it turns on you – And you think, What have I done? What can I do? – What you believe about yourself it all comes true. ”

What beliefs were implanted in your original script? Why were those beliefs implanted? How are those beliefs “chains around your heart”?

Just Another Day –  Caitlin Crosby

  • “Lost in the city of angels – Cause they got, they got, they got a spell on me – So I’m calling on heaven, to set me free.”

The spells of our scripts come in a variety of flavors. “Just a little bit prettier… Just a little more popular… Just a little bit richer…”  We’re all “just a little messed up”  and need to be “set free.” What kind of spell did your script put on you?

Maybe It’s Time – Bradly Cooper

  • “Maybe it’s time to let the old ways die – Maybe it’s time to let the old ways die – It takes a lot to change your plans.”

In what way is it “time to let the old ways die”? As you already know, “Hell, it takes a lot to try.” Is it going to take “a train [wreck] to change your mind”? 

Overkill –  Jimmy Buffett

  • “Overkill, overkill – Such a megalo modern problematic ill – Climb too fast and shove too hard -You’ll be pushin’ up the daisies in the old boneyard.”

Whether it’s an aggressive drive for success or a laidback search for enlightenment, the script’s tendency toward “Overkill” is equally dangerous. Which side does your script overkill by forgetting that any belief can be taken too far?

Rainbow – Kacey Musgraves

  • “Well, the sky has finally opened – The rain and wind stopped blowin’ – But you’re stuck out in the same old storm again – You hold tight to your umbrella – But, darling, I’m just tryin’ to tell ya – That there’s always been a rainbow hangin’ over your head.”

“It’s hard to breathe when all you know is the struggle of stayin’ above the water line.” So you hold onto beliefs for protection, the way you “hold tight to your umbrella.” What would it take for you to “let go of your umbrella”?

Redemption – Nathaniel Rateliff

  • “Keep running till we learn to find peace – Just set me free.”

This song is from the movie “Palmer,” in which ex-con Justin Timberlake struggles to get free from his original script. The pain in the repetitive cry “Just set me free” is heartfelt. In what ways has your script “taken hold and won’t let you go” ? From what “fears and insecurities” does your original script leave you “no where to hide” ? 

Right Now – Van Halen

  • “The more things you get, the more you want – Just trade in one for the other – Workin’ so hard, to make it easier, whoa – Got to turn, c’mon turn this thing around.” 

No script will ever be satisfied. “One step ahead, one step behind. Now you gotta run to get even.” And the only place scripts can be changed is “Right Now.” So, “What are you waiting for?”

Round And Round – Kenny Chesney

  • “Round and round and round and round we go – Why we can’t be satisfied, I don’t know – From the day we’re born, it seems like it never stops – Why we always wantin’ something we ain’t got?”

This is another song that highlights the inherent unsatisfiability of any script. Any fear-based script will always leave certain parts of you unsatisfied. What would it take for you to get off your original script’s merry-go-round “wantin’ something you ain’t got?”

Running on Empty – Jackson Browne

  • “Everyone I know, everywhere I go – People need some reason to believe.”

How well does your script “keep your love alive? Trying not to confuse it, with what you do to survive.” Are you “Running on Empty” when “you don’t even know what you’re hoping to find”?

Shatter Me – Lindsey Stirling

  • “If I break the glass, then I’ll have to fly – There’s no one to catch me if I take a dive – I’m scared of changing – The days stay the same – The world is spinning but only in gray.”

The album cover for this song shows a ballerina with a violin encased in a snow globe. “I’m frozen by the fear in me. Somebody make feel alive and shatter me.” The grip of your original script has you “spinning endlessly” and “scared of changing.” What would it take for you to shatter that script and break free?

Try – Colbie Caillat

  • “You don’t have to try so hard – You don’t have to bend until you break.”

The lyrics turn the script’s fear-based question of: “Do they like you?” to: “Do you like you?”  What would it take for you to let got of your fears and “take your make up off, let your hair down, and take a breath”?

CONCLUSION

The process of uncovering my original script and the story it had created was lengthy, complicated, and ultimately extremely distressing. It became clear that only by letting go of my conditioned beliefs could I hope to move past what was thwarting my goal of present-moment living. “When you change what you believe, you change what you do… It all depends on what you choose to believe.” (Spencer Johnson)

I finally came to accept what one of my friends had once said: “Your original script brought a lot of good into your life. But that script came with a price tag and the tag has strings.” My ego-mind – with its single-minded focus on survival and based on the particular fears of my past – had been hellbent on me not seeing those strings. Now that I could see the strings, I was no longer willing to keep tripping over what was behind me.

[(CARTOON – FIRST FRAME) MAN SITTING IN LOTUS POSITION MEDITATING. DARK, ANGRY BIRD FLYING OVER HIS HEAD MAKING CAWING SOUNDS. SAYING BELOW MAN: “YOU CAN’T KEEP THE BIRD OF BELIEFS FROM FLYING OVER YOUR HEAD…” (SECOND FRAME) SAME MAN IN SAME POSITION. BIRD HAS LANDED ON HIS HEAD AND HAS BUILT A NEST IN HIS HAIR. SAYING BELOW MAN: “BUT YOU CAN KEEP IT FROM MAKING A NEST IN YOUR HAIR.”]

NEW APP
Talk to Your Critical Voice

One way to find out what is driving your original script is to invite your critical voice into conversation. You know the voice I mean. The one that says, “You’re not good enough.” “You never do anything right.” That voice.

Take two colored markers. Use one color for your adult voice and one color for your critical voice. Use the adult color to ask your critical voice questions such as:

  • When were you formed?
  • What are you trying to protect me from?
  • What do you really need?

Use the other color to jot down whatever comes up – anything at all. You’re just trying to get a handle on why that critical voice came to be. You may even begin to appreciate how it helped you survive in some hard times. Ultimately though, you merely need to convince the voice that it doesn’t still need to be so afraid.

OPERATING SYSTEM UPDATE
Chopra & Oprah Meditation – Become What You Believe

The Become What You Believe 21-day meditation (available at chopa.com) provides the perfect support for this busic. It takes the form of a series of twenty-one, 20-minute meditations led by Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey. Each session begins with a brief introduction intended to help you recognize your deepest beliefs and how those beliefs shape your identity. This introduction is followed by a short meditation.

Once you discover your foundational beliefs, you can start to evaluate how well each of those beliefs is, or is not, serving you in the present. You can then begin choosing new beliefs that will lead you closer to the life you’ve always wanted. As Wayne Dyer said, “The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of the state of your mind.” You really do become what you believe. 

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