9. Passion

It is possible to have it all, passion included.

KEY THOUGHT: We were told the secret to life was: Healthy, wealthy, and wise. What ever happened to happy?

 

BUSIC THEMES: Do your thing, Follow your dreams, Dance, Stay young, Setting your life on fire, Keeping the hunger

“Not what we have but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance.” (Epicurus)

 

 

“Follow your heart and your intuition. They somehow already know what you want to become.” (Steve Jobs)

 

 

“Value your passions and the way you feel. Soon you will find yourself knowing just what to do and when.” (Melody Beattie) 

 

 

“What did you do as a child that created timelessness that made you forget time? There lies the myth to live by.” (Joseph Campbell)

 

 

“You have a king inside who listens for what delights the soul.”  (Rumi)

 

 

“To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive.”  (Robert Louis Stevenson)

 

 

“Don’t worry about what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and do that because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”  (Howard Thurman)

You probably guessed where I was headed next. The previous Authenticity busic playlist had led me to the question: “Who do you really want to be, when you’re not so busy pleasing to gain the approval of others?”  That busic had required asking myself who I wanted to be. But there was another question that had been disallowed by my original script:

  • What do you really want to do – When you’re not constantly proving what you can do?

Once again, I saw that my original script had censored my own desires based on the belief that it was necessary to show what I could do. In the view of my proving script, any failure to do my best was seen as irresponsible. The tight grip of that original script kept me perpetually choosing should’s over want to’s. 

The result of that belief was that any attributes that I associated with not getting things done had a powerful negative charge and were therefore undervalued. That included such aspects as: enjoyment, recreation, and relaxation. In short, anything that had any aspect of passivity.

Once again, I relied on the direction suggested by personality cross training. The truth was I was already really good at showing what I could do – I would even say too good – and what I needed was to lighten up on myself. So I used the same tactic that had helped me move in the direction of sincerity. I attempted to re-language my stories about myself to include more encouragement for passivity.

The first word associated with passivity that I tried to rename as positive was calm. But the negative charge on that word was enormous. My enthusiastic, energetic, articulate, always-getting-things-done persona had been told since childhood, “Calm down.” There was no way I could approach that attribute without major drugs.

So I again took to the thesaurus and looked for synonyms for calm. The word I found was pacific. It was a word I hadn’t heard very often so it’s connotation was pretty neutral. And I was able to begin acting in ways that felt, to me, pacific.

I got reinforcement for this change the summer we cruised in the San Juan Islands off the coast of Washington. I posted on Facebook, “I’m being pacific in the Pacific.” One of my good friends commented, “I never think of Loretta as ‘pacific.’” BINGO. It was as if the wrestler had begun cross training with ballet and someone had commented: “There’s always room for something new!”

Once again, I found that, over time, I began to feel less compulsion to be constantly busy and more and more comfortable with passivity. As I trekked along the passivity trail, I came across many previously unfamiliar markers, such as process and pleasure. Much to my delight, my re-languaging efforts eventually led me to the novel concept of being PURPOSEFULLY PLAYFUL.

Now you may be saying that the “purposefully” aspect of my re-languaging was still too tied to my original scripting. Yes, that’s true. But in any re-languaging efforts, you can only go as far as you can honestly believe could be true for you. Someone with body issues cannot wake up and say, “Today I look like Nicole Kidman or George Clooney.” And at this point in time, all I could honestly believe was possible for me was PURPOSEFULLY PLAYFUL. And for me, that was growth enough.

With this expanded sense of freedom, I found myself savoring many of the things that I had enjoyed as a kid. They weren’t big momentous events. They weren’t expensive. They were merely simple pleasures that sparked my enjoyment of life. Things like: Cooking; Reading; Being Outdoors; Water Activities; Nurturing Things like flowers, kids, and dogs; and my perpetual standby – Music

With time, some longtime neglected interests started to blossom. I have always been quite musically inclined. (I suppose you already knew that from this busic thing.) But previously, I was more on the listening and watching side. Singing and dancing – not so much.

On the singing side, I had stopped signing altogether in high school when the girl next to me had told the chorus director that I caused her to go off pitch. Because of that negative comment, I pretty much never sang with an audience ever again. (Yet another example of what negative comments and fear of rejection can do to a kid.)

But in church, the person next to me would always say, “You should join the choir.” Once at a performance of local musicians, during a singalong, one of the musician’s wives turned to me and said, “You should be up there.”

At some point, I just decided to jump in the “singing pool” in hopes that I might float. The problem was that since I had stopped singing so early, I didn’t really know how to read music. This meant I had to jump in with full acceptance that I wouldn’t be able to sing well compared to others. So I started small. I did join the church choir. And since that director posted the tracks online so we could practice, I started to learn more about notation.

Next, I joined a group called “Choir Play.” (Needless to say, I felt the group was named just for me.) In that group, everyone was indeed heads and shoulders above my abilities. I had once asked the woman next to me, “How had you already highlighted that line of music that the director just now said was the hardest part?” She replied, “I was a high school choral director for decades.” Yeah, that would help… But the people were nice and encouraged me. And again the parts were recorded, so I just used my skills in diligence and practiced the hell out of them.  

This technique of using the skills I did have, and not being intimidated by the skills I lacked, also helped with dancing. Our club was having a Western Party. Though I’m actually a pretty good dancer, I had never been able to figure out how the line-dancing step patterns worked. I had always watched, but nothing ever stuck.

This time, before the Western party, a line dance instructor came to teach the steps. After the very first practice dance, she looked at me and said, “You move to the back. Otherwise, everyone will be watching you.” So why was I able to learn the steps this time when I had failed so miserably in the past when watching and trying to follow others’ moves?

The answer was simple. My ability to learn in a physical 3-dimensional modality is seriously limited. At the age when other children stood and started walking, I would have still only been able to crawl. Walking and experiencing a 3-D world had to wait till I got my first artificial leg. So the neural networks for movement in space aren’t as developed for me as they are for others. But – play in my auditory wheelhouse and give me a set of verbal instructions – as the line dance teacher did, and I can nail it, with passion.

Of course, this Passion busic was one of the easiest to find songs for. Musicians know what their passion is. When you listen to the songs, you can feel the joy of musicians who have followed their own desires. If they didn’t have such a passion, they wouldn’t have had the stamina to stick with it. They’d have caved at the first empty-room gig. They’d have succumbed to the fear expressed in the old joke: What’s the difference between a musician and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.

All of this is by way of saying as you attempt to rekindle your personal passions, remember to not let feelings of not being good enough or opinions of others hold you back. Remember, when you’re not used to doing things that feel good just for fun, your own comfort zone is not a helpful benchmark.

9. Passion

Any Dream Will Do – Donny Osmond

  • “The world and I, we are still waiting – Still hesitating – Any dream will do.”

Joseph and His Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat tells how Joseph, though sold into slavery because of his brothers’ jealousy, used his ability to interpret dreams to save his entire family. Do you believe “Any dream will do.” Or are you  “still waiting, still hesitating”?

Better When I’m Dancing – Meghan Trainor

  • “Show the world you’ve got that fire – Feel the rhythm getting louder – Show the room what you can do – Prove to them you’ve got the moves.

In many songs, “fire” is the code word for passion. Question is: What do you “feel better when” you’re doing? What could you do to “show the world you’ve got that fire”?

Do Your Thing – Edwin McCain

  • “A wise man gave me the key to life – And now I give it to you – ‘Just do your thing if it makes you feel better.’ ”

When have you “missed all the beautiful”? Don’t you know: “You can’t buy back the time.” “Are you just waiting to “wake up and realize that your time has passed you by”?

Do Your Thing – Isaac Hayes

  • ‘Cause whatever you do – Oh, you’ve got to do your thing.”

This song has so many forms of passion covered: dancing, singing, rapping, making love. Same question as before: Do you take time to “do your thing”? And if not, why not?

Dream Life, Life –  Colbie Caillat

  • “ All I want is my dream life – To be my real life – How could that be wrong?  – All we have is this life – So make it what you want.”

Caillat asks in the opening line: “Have you ever wanted out of all the stressfulness, all the busyness, you could do without?” Does any part of you feel it’s irresponsible or selfish to follow your dreams? “How could that be wrong?” 

Electricity – Original Cast Of Billy Elliot

  • “And then I feel a change – Like a fire deep inside -Something bursting me wide open, impossible to hide.”

When Billy is asked, “What does it feel like when you’re dancing?” he answers, “I can’t really explain it. I haven’t got the words. It’s a feeling that you can’t control.” What does it feel like when you’re following your passion?

Feel Like A Rock Star – Kenny Chesney & Tim McGraw

  • “You busted your ass all week – And now it’s your time to be – Whatever you wanna be.” 

When do you give yourself “time to be whatever you wanna be”? And if you don’t, what fears hold you back? Remember, there are many ways to ”Feel Like a Rock Star.” 

Flash Dance – Irene Cara

  • “First, when there’s nothing – But a slow glowing dream – That your fear seems to hide – Deep inside your mind.”

What “takes hold of your heart”? How could you “Take your passion and make it happen!” What would it take to believe: “I can really have it all”?

Flavor – Maren Morris

  • “I’m cooking up my own flavor – Even if it ain’t your style – You only seen one layer – Original can take a while.”

This song points out key aspects of passion: 

  • Each of us likes a different “flavor.”
  • It often requires “making a mess.”
  • It needs time to grow because “Original can take a while.”

When are you “cooking up your own flavor”?

Follow Your Arrow – Kacey Musgraves

  • “When the straight and narrow gets a little too straight – Roll up a joint, or don’t – Just follow your arrow wherever it points.”

Given all of the limiting alternatives, “You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t so you might as well just do whatever you want.” So, how well do you “follow your arrow wherever it points”?

Footloose – Kenny Loggins

  • “You’re playing so cool – Obeying every rule – Deep way down in your heart – You’re burning, yearning for some – Somebody to tell you – That life ain’t passing you by – I’m trying to tell you – It will if you don’t even try.”

Are you “playing so cool, obeying every rule”? Are you “yearning for somebody to tell you that life ain’t passing you by?” Kevin Bacon turned the whole town around with his passion. Who could you impact with your passion?

Happy People – Little Big Town

  • Well, life is short – And love is rare – And we all deserve to be happy – While we’re here.”

This song shares the secrets about passion:

  • “Can’t buy it, gotta make it.”
  • “You ain’t ever gonna be it by takin’ someone else’s away.”
  • “Never take it for granted.”
  • “You don’t have to understand it.”

I Hope You Dance – Lee Ann Womack

  • “I hope you never lose your sense of wonder – You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger.”

“When you get the choice to sit it out or dance,” which choice do you make? Will your choice cause you to “look back on your years and wonder where those years have gone”?

Keeping the Faith – Billy Joel

  • “ ‘Cause I never felt the desire – ‘Til the music set me on fire – And then I was saved, yeah – That’s why I’m keeping the faith.”

Billy Joel recounts the inevitable progression of his passions and concludes: “Still I would not be here now if I never had the hunger.” What hunger, aka passion, could save you?

Like That’s a Bad Thing – Danny Gokey

  • “I don’t know ‘bout you – But I was put here to live in love – So what if I don’t do it like everybody else does?”

“They say all I am is a crazy dream. Like that’s a bad thing.” In what way is your “crazy dream” not like everybody else’s? Who was the “they” that disparaged your dreams?

Lunatic – Andy Grammer

  • “Maybe I should care more about safety – But I can’t ignore or betray these voices singing – You can do this, you can do this – You are not a lu-lunatic – Crazy would be changing your mind.”

What do the “voices you can’t ignore” say to you? What in your life would you be “crazy for leaving behind”?

Makin’ Music for Money – Jimmy Buffett

  • “This may sound funny – But money don’t mean nothin’ to me – I won’t make my music for money, no – I’m gonna make my music for me.”

Buffett poses the critical question about passion: “Turning on the people now that’s a beautiful place to be. But if I spend my time making them up a rhyme, who’s gonna turn on me?” What do you work on even though you “never get paid.”

Setting the World on Fire – Kenny Chesney & P!nk

  • “We were strikin’ the matches – Right down to the ashes – Setting the world on fire – Setting the world on fire.”

Following your passions make you feel like you’re “coming alive.” What gives you the feeling of “setting the world on fire”? How could you feel that way more often?

Somethin’ Special – Colbie Caillat

  • “I finally found it – And I’m taking the long way out – ‘Cause it’s gonna be – Something special to me.”

Caillat wrote this song to encourage the athletes in the Beijing Summer Olympics. What is it that is “something special to you”? Do you believe in it the way an Olympic athlete needs to believe?

1 2 3 4 – Feist

  • “Old teenage hopes are alive at your door – Left you with nothing but they want some more.”

Do any of your “teenage hopes have tears in their eyes”? How did you neglect your passions and “put the cart before the horse”? Is Feist singing to you when she says, “You’re changing your heart. Oh, you know who you are”?

CONCLUSION

The hardest part of the Passion busic was not listening to my old, fear-based voices that said it would be irresponsible and selfish to do what I wanted to do. If you have any of those old voices, enlist whomever or whatever you can to silence them. You don’t need to prove yourself. You are already enough. You deserve to be happy and to follow your passions. 

As you step toward your own form of joy, remember to go easy on yourself. You’re just trying to tap into your own source of joy because any good product always comes from enjoying what you do. And if you’re complaining because what you love to do isn’t a marketable skill, I really have to tell you to get over yourself. I had to invent a whole new medium, busics, to make my skills useful. Just be creative.

[(CARTOON - SINGLE FRAME) CEMETERY WITH GRAVESTONES SHOWING DATES IN FORMS OF: 1948-2019: SIGN OVER ENTRANCE TO CEMETERY SHOWING NAME “PEACEFUL GARDENS.” QUESTION WRITTEN AS GRAFFITI ON SIGN: “HOW ARE YOU SPENDING YOUR DASH?” ]

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Nurture Your Passions

Clearly the only remaining question is: What are your passions? Luckily, there are a few signposts that help point the way.

Teenage Hopes – What drove your passions in your younger years?  Think about it; write about it; talk about it with your family of origin. Who were you then?  Who did you think you would become?

Jill Santoriello got her musical version of Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities onto Broadway without one previous theatrical credit to her name. When she was a teen, she had worn out the soundtracks of musicals and movies. What did you wear out in your teens?

Suspension of Time – The surest sign that you are following your passions is a lack of awareness of time. You look at your watch and say, “Oh, no!  It’s 5:30, and I was supposed to meet Bob at 5:00. Where did the time go?”

The question “Where did the time go?” highlights an essential characteristic of passionate living: being unfettered by the constraints of time. You are in the moment – your moment.  All other moments cease to exist. All experience is centered in the present. Anne Morrow Lindbergh describes it as: “to be drenched in the work as one is drenched in sleep or in the sea.”  When do you get drenched in the work?

How can you do that? – Sometimes people ask me: “How can you do that?” They ask me when I have just remembered some list of twenty items or quoted a monologue from a play I did in high school. And I can’t tell you how many times people have come up to me after an aerobics class and asked, “How do you know the lyrics to every song?”

That’s why I could create these busics. That skill allowed me to do something that other people would have found impossible. So being asked, “How can you do that?” points in the direction of your joy and passions. 

Use these three clues: teenage hopes, suspension of time, and disbelief that you’re able to do something, to point the way. But remember, as always with passions, the real compass is provided by your own heart. 

 

OPERATING SYSTEM UPDATE
Ladies’ Choice

There are lots of books that encourage you to follow your passions. Here are three of them, each written in a completely different style. Which one might be the one for you?

  • The Last Lecture – Randy Pausch

Lots of professors give what is their “last lecture” before moving on. When Randy Pausch gave his last lecture, entitled “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams,” he spoke with conviction on the importance of overcoming whatever is thrown at you and living every moment fully. He spoke passionately about living because he knew that he was dying of terminal cancer. 

“The brick walls aren’t there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want things.”

  • The Alchemist – Paulo Coelho

This magical tale has become a modern classic about the importance of pursuing your dreams. The story documents the wisdom gained as a young shepherd follows his heart and listens to the clues provided on his path.

“The fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself…. No heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams.”

  • Oh, the Places You’ll Go” – Dr. Seuss

This book encourages taking all of life in stride in typical Suessian style. His ridiculous scenarios and unconventional rhymes champion living your life with passion and zest.

“You’re off to great places. Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting, so get on your way!”

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