4. MIND (Mistaken Identification with a Nagging Demon)

mindfulness

Mindfulness is the one job that can't be outsourced.

KEY THOUGHT: There’s a nagging demon that lives in your head, and that demon has convinced you that it’s who you are. The ingenuity of that demon cannot be underestimated – but once recognized, it can be restrained. 

 

BUSIC THEMES: Illusions and fears of the mind, Crazy making, Heavy load, Need to stay positive, Importance of choice in one’s thoughts

“The greatest weapon against stress is the ability to choose one thought over another.” (William James)

 

 

“The highest possible stage in moral culture is when we recognize we ought to control our thoughts.” (Charles Darwin)

 

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” (Albert Einstein)

 

“To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kinds of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.” (Henry David Thoreau)

 

 

“Learning to not let your thoughts be a runaway train leading your life off track is the key.” (Oprah Winfrey)

 

“I used to think my brain was the most important organ. But then I thought: wait a minute, who’s telling me that?” (Emo Phillips)

 

“Everyone carries on an inward talk with themselves; those who are self-controlled have learned not to answer back.” (Sarah Jessica Hupp)

It was now clear that the problems I was having living in the present moment didn’t come from any external circumstances. Rather, my difficulty staying present stemmed from the childhood belief patterns currently stored in my mind. So I titled the next busic MIND. I put it in all caps to remind myself of the old acronym that says M.I.N.D. stands for: Mistaken Identification with a Nagging Demon. 

And then I panicked. “Who’s going to sing a song about the mind?” Fortunately, that fear was very short-lived. I soon discovered that I wasn’t the only one tormented by my own mind; musicians were, too. And the good news about musicians is that they write about what they are feeling. So I created this fourth busic playlist, MIND, with the belief that I needed to uncover how my own mind was getting in the way of present-moment living.

If you’ve come this far, you know I’m into meditating. So I’ll own up and say I have maintained a daily meditation routine for over ten years. Like most people, I had to try a lot of different approaches to meditation before a daily routine stuck. But I had become interested in mindfulness very early in the game. It was the 1980’s, and a major educational publisher had hired me to find out what strategies good readers use that poorer readers do not.

One of the concepts I stumbled across was called comprehension monitoring. In comprehension monitoring, good readers think about what they are thinking and assess their own level of understanding. And the research showed that you could teach kids to use the strategy of monitoring their own comprehension and thus improve their reading ability.

The simple parallel I came to make was:

  • Good readers are more aware of what is going on in their heads while they are reading.
  • Healthy individuals are more aware of what is going on in their heads while they are living.

Therefore, my game plan became:

  • UNCOVER – Recognize what thoughts were consistently in my mind.
  • ASSESS – Evaluate how well or poorly those beliefs were serving my current needs and wants.
  • MODIFY – Change those beliefs that were getting in my way of living in the present.

While comprehension monitoring had initially convinced me of the power of what is known as mind-ful-ness, another concept fully cemented my confidence in the power of becoming aware of one’s thoughts and beliefs – the placebo effect.  

The placebo effect is defined as a positive therapeutic effect claimed by a patient after receiving a pill believed by him or her to be an active drug – when in fact, the pill had delivered no active ingredients whatsoever. The particular experiment that I found so conclusive is now referred to as the Mind Over Milkshake study. 

Dr. Alia Crum, a clinical psychologist at Yale, created two milkshake for the subjects to drink. One milkshake was labeled “Sweet Indulgence,” and the label showed it to be loaded with sugar and fat and to contain 620 calories. The other milkshake was called “Sensishake,” and the label showed it to be a healthy, diet drink containing only 140 calories. In reality, both drinks were identical and contained 380 calories.

Half the subjects got “Sweet Indulgence” and half got “Sensishake.” Dr. Crum measured the ghrelin levels in the subjects, before and after drinking their shakes. Ghrelin is thought of as the hunger hormone. When ghrelin levels are high, you feel hungry, which signals the body that it’s time to eat. When ghrelin levels are low, you feel full so you are less likely to eat.

However, what Dr. Crum found was that the ghrelin levels dropped three times more in those people who drank the supposedly indulgent shake than in the people who thought they were drinking the healthy shake. If you believed you were drinking the indulgent shake, your body responded as if you had consumed many more calories than you actually had.

Thus, our beliefs about the food we are eating can impact our body’s response more than the actual nutritional content of the food. Dr. Crum says, “Our beliefs matter in virtually every domain, in everything we do. How much is a mystery, but I don’t think we’ve given enough credit to the role of our beliefs in determining our physiology, our reality.”

This study convinced me of the power of the beliefs in my mind and the need to ascertain how those beliefs were helping or hindering my attempts to live in the present. As a result, I became ever more aware and observant of the thoughts running through my head.

I soon began to see how crazy-making many of these thoughts were. (I’ll tell you the stupidest one I ever caught in my newfound web of awareness, but you have to promise not to laugh.) I once caught my ego-mind using the strategy of verbally repeating the color and shape of a particular puzzle piece in order to find it among all the pieces. The only problem was that I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep and said puzzle was in the other room. 

It was as if my conditioned ego-mind believed that unless it was doing something productive to show I wasn’t inferior (aka proving), it felt unsafe. Likewise, by watching my thoughts, I became aware that in many social situations, I was constantly on guard, listening for the next positive comment I could insert (aka pleasing). It was these habitual, and supposedly beneficial patterns, that never allowed me to relax into the present moment.

Since I had read, like most of you, lots of pop psychology, I was aware that my vigilant concern for safety stemmed from my amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for emotional reactions and survival instincts. The problem was that those reactions and instincts are based primarily, as they have to be, on fear-driven memories. Thus, while I wanted desperately to let go of my childhood memories of disability and rejection, my conditioned ego-mind kept those memories alive by maintaining those behaviors it deemed familiar and successful, and therefore, safe. 

Somehow, (though I couldn’t see how since my whole self-concept as a capable and considerate person was built on it) I had to let go of the need to prove myself and to please others. Only with mindfulness would I be able to step ahead of my ego-mind’s ingrained patterns. Without awareness, my mind would inevitably continue to think in it’s old, fear-based terms. 

The songs in this MIND busic did exactly what they were intended to. They helped me remember to keep watch on the thoughts in my head. And with increased mindfulness practice, I became even more determined to step ahead of my ego-mind’s conditioned fears. As Michael Singer said, “The day you decide that you are more interested in being aware of your thoughts than you are in the thoughts themselves – that is the day you will find your way out.”

4. MIND (Mistaken Identification with a Nagging Demon)

Accentuate the Positive – Perry Como

  • “You’ve got to accentuate the positive – Eliminate the negative – Latch on to the affirmative.””

The need to override the mind’s tendency to focus on the negative has been known for decades. Norman Peale wrote “The Power of Positive Thinking” in 1952. What would help you stay present and aware of the impact of your thoughts? 

Change Your Mind – Sister Hazel

  • If you’ve had enough – Of all your tryin’ – Just give up the state of mind you’re in.” 

This song jests: “I bet you haven’t heard a word I’ve said.” How often are you too busy with the thoughts in your in head to pay attention to anyone or anything else, including the moments of your life. “If you’re tired of fighting the battles” in your head, can you “change your mind”?

Crazy Maze – Des’ree

  • “Life’s answers we’re trying to find ­- Battling inside our minds.” 

The song contends that the key to a happy life is “a healthy mind and lots of spice.” If a healthy mind is the key to happiness in the moment, how hard are you working on creating that kind of mind? Or are you content with “livin’ in a crazy maze… fighting to rise above the haze”?

Free My Mind – Katie Herzig

  • “My mind is like a heavy hand – Always making more of what really happened – A critical imagination always working overtime.” 

I like this song because Herzig is mad at her MIND.“If I ever do decide to take a chance. Oh, the part that keeps me holding on. It’ll be my mind.” How can control of the voice in your head that’s an “optical illusion… posing as a real life”?

Gently We Row – Melissa Etheridge

  • “When my soul crashed into my body – Falling into consciousness – That’s when my mind began this illusion – Of taking it step after step.” 

It’s true that “we’re all out here on our own,” when it comes to recognizing the illusions of the MIND. What “fears and needs did they draw for you?” In what ways are those fears “a dream” that is still controlling you? How could you sidestep that dream and return to the present?

Heavy – Linkin Park & Kiiara

  • “Why is everything so heavy? – Holding on to so much more than I can carry – I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down.”

Chester Bennington’s suicide gives these lyrics increased poignancy. These were his questions: Do you “drive yourself crazy thinking everything’s about you”? Are you “stacking up problems that are so unnecessary”? Present moment awareness of those thoughts is always the first step. 

In My Own Mind – Lyle Lovett

  • “I live in my own mind – Ain’t nothin’ but a good time – No rain, just the sunshine – Out here in my own mind.”

Lovett expresses the opposite feelings of the previous song. Instead of panic, he feels the serenity of “turning it all over and plowing it all under.” Since we all do live “in our own minds,” how could you become more conscious of the impact of your thoughts on your present moment experience.

Inner Demons – Julia Brennan

  • “They say don’t let them in – Close your eyes and clear your thoughts again – When I’m all alone, they show up on their own – Cause inner demons fight their battles with fire.”

When I heard this song, I looked back in my journal to find this quote: “Most people become their thoughts. They do not have thoughts and feelings; the thoughts and feelings have them. It is what the ancients called ‘being possessed’ by a demon.” (Richard Rohr) What are your inner demons?

Keep Your Head Up – Andy Grammer

  • “I know it’s hard, know it’s hard – To remember sometimes – But you gotta keep your head up.” 

How good are you at the hard work of “keeping your head up”?  What type of negative thoughts get in your way?  What does the nature of those thoughts tell you about what is more important to you than “letting your hair down” and experiencing the moments of your life?

Making It Up – Jason Mraz

  • “We’re makin’ it all up – What else can we do?- Yeah, we’re makin’ it all up.”

This song puts the MIND on notice: I’m no longer buying everything that you tell me because it’s clear that you’re “makin’ it all up.” What  thought patterns does your mind make up to keep you out of the present moment? What would help you make up something different?

One Fine Wire –  Colbie Caillat

  • “I’m juggling all the thoughts in my head – I’m juggling and my fears on fire – But I’m listening as it evolves in my head.”

Caillat is a master at giving expression to our common human experience. “I’m so lost inside my head and crazy. But I can’t get out of it.” In what ways is the wire on which you are balancing “frayed at both the ends and slowly unraveling”?

Peace of Mind – Boston

  • “People livin’ in competition – All I want is to have my peace of mind.”

“All I want is to have my peace of mind” sounds like a manageable objective. But subduing the relentless chatter of the MIND requires a great deal of effort. As the song ends up questioning: What other objective could be of benefit in the long run? 

Save It for a Rainy Day – Kenny Chesney

  • “There’ll be plenty of time for what if’s and why’s – And how’d I let you get away – But the lying in bed all stuck in my head – Is just gonna have to wait”

Chesney is known for his “No shoes, no shirt, no problems” philosophy, so I find it comforting that even he ends up “lying in bed all stuck in my head.” His solution is to go out on his boat – works for me, too. What works for you?

Simple Things – Alexander Cardinale (feat. Christina Perri)

  • “There’s so much weighin’ on my brain – And I try to overcomplicate – Let’s try to entertain a different point of view.”

The MIND has its own agenda and often causes you to “forget what matters most.” If you do treasure your present moment experience, how do you answer this question: “If you really love the ocean, why don’t you just go?”

Spirits –  The Strumbellas

  • “I got guns in my head and they won’t go – Spirits in my head and they won’t go.”

This song highlights the perpetual struggle in our head between “wanting to change” and “wanting to stay the same.” What are the “guns and spirits in your head” that prevent you from “being alive while you’re here”?

Think Good Thoughts – Colbie Caillat

  • “Imagine what the world would be if we would just – Think good thoughts – Stop the bad from feeding.”

I played this song repeatedly as Hurricane Irma barreled toward our home in Florida. Next time your thoughts are spinning like a hurricane, can you remember to “think good thoughts”? After all, nobody loses but you when you “let the negativity get the best of you.”

This Moment – Janine

  • “If I’m losing my mind – It’s ok – I don’t wanna think anymore – So I’ll give it up.”

The first time I heard this line: “Been listening to a lot of Eckhart Tolle, trying to find a way to get away from me,” I couldn’t believe Tolle was mentioned in an R&B song.” The need to gain control of the MIND is universal. What can you do to gain control of your mind?

Vampires, Mummies, and the Holy Ghost – Jimmy Buffett

  • “A flashing message said today therapy – Rather walk through fire than converse with my shrink – But I’m getting better – That’s what some people think.”

Who else could write a song about therapy but Buffett? What fears born in your childhood are destroying your self-esteem? How are those fears blocking your experience of the moment?  

 

Watering the Weeds – Jenny Tolman

  • “Ya get kudzu on your mind there ain’t no room for a rose.”

This song compares listening to the nagging thoughts of your MIND to “watering the weeds.” The lyrics extend the water analogy with: “Don’t let your well run dry watering the weeds.” How much time do you spend watering the weeds in your mind? Has all that watering left your personal well completely dry?

You Can Still Change Your Mind – Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

  • “It’s alright, you can still change your mind – Just hold tight, everything’s gonna be alright – If you can change your mind.”

It’s no surprise that several of the songs in this MIND busic focus on the aspect of choice. the lyrics implore you to “change your mind.” This song’s conclusion says it clearly: “If you can change your mind, you can change your feeling.” 

CONCLUSION

It was clear that in order to reclaim the present moment, I had to regain control of my mind. All that was needed was awareness of those thoughts and the recognition of my power of choice. Elizabeth Gilbert said it well, “You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate.”

There’s one piece of really good news about the ego-mind’s endless chatter. Nobody else hears it but you. And nobody else can choose to pull those thoughts back to the present moment. That choice is yours and yours alone. Nobody else gets a vote or even knows where the polling place is.

LION TAMER WITH WHIP ATTEMPTING TO CONTROL A FEARSOME BRAIN

LION TAMER SHOUTING "‘GET BACK! GET BACK!" AS BRAIN GROWLS AND ADVANCES TOWARDS HIM.

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Journaling was my lifeline. I couldn’t have done this work without a journal. I write in it every morning before I get out of bed. I wouldn’t think of going on a trip without it. And if the house catches fire, other people will be running for the photo albums, I’ll be grabbing my journal.

I know that some people shudder at the idea of having to write. Those people are saying, “You’re an editor. Of course you like to write.” But the thoughts running through your head really are impacting your life. Journaling is the best way I know to get those thoughts out of your head and visible, so that you can look at them.

I would never tell you that this work can’t be done without journaling. There are always multiple paths across the river. But if you’re getting a bit tired of swimming on your own and somebody throws you a lifeline, you just might want to grab it.

OPERATING SYSTEM UPDATE
Wherever You Go, There You Are and Full Catastrophe Living – John Kabat-Zinn

The concept of living with greater present-moment awareness, or mindfulness, was initially brought to mainstream by Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book, Full Catastrophe Living. (Personally, I think his publisher must have been on drugs to use that title. Who wants to live like a catastrophe is at hand?)

To Kabat-Zinn, the idea of Present-Moment Theory is to live each moment as if it were a full-blown catastrophe. In a catastrophe, all of your awareness is focused on the moment, the here and now. You’re not judging things by any preset way of looking because, if it’s a real catastrophe, you haven’t experienced anything like it before. Your preset ways of perceiving are down and your actual experience in the moment is heightened.

My favorite Kabat-Zinn book is Wherever You Go, There You Are. That title precisely describes the problem I had encountered trying to access the present moment. My self-concept, the one stored in my conditioned ego-mind, was hell-bent on blocking my path to anything other than what it deemed safe. Clearly, any attempts at personality cross training and gaining access to the present were to be avoided. But I had finally started to question my ego-mind’s credibility. As Anna Quinlin astutely said, “Smarts got you into this mess. And smarts isn’t going to get you out. You’ve reached the limit of smarts.”

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