7. Gratitude

There's a secret path to the present moment - Gratitude.

KEY THOUGHT: If you are lost, knock on the door labeled gratitude. It may not lead you to where you want to go, but it will get you out of where you are.

 

BUSIC THEMES: Appreciation for being alive, Feeling blessed and thankful, Gratitude for the little things and even for the painful times, What a wonderful world

“Both abundance and lack exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend.” (Sarah Ban Breathnach)

 

 

 

“It is not happiness that makes us grateful. It’s gratefulness that makes us happy.” (David Steindl-Rast)

 

 

 

“The way of gratitude is one of the most natural paths to wholeness because body, mind, and spirit are affected at every level almost effortlessly.” (Deepak Chopra)

 

 

 

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more.” (Melody Beattie)

 

 

 

“The universe is full of magic things patiently waiting for our senses to become sharper.” (Eden Phillpotts)

 

 

 

“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of the treasure.” (Thorton Wilder)

 

 

 

“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” (Willie Nelson) 

If you’re wondering why my journey hadn’t concluded yet, I must admit that I was wondering the same thing. It seemed to me that I had figured out what the key issues in my original script were, why those issues had developed, and how those tendencies were no longer helpful in living in the present. 

While I was indeed better at living in the present than I had been previously, I still wasn’t where I wanted, hoped, believed I could be. So I created the next busic playlist on Gratitude. I chose gratitude because everything I had read said gratitude was at the heart of living in the moment. 

The consensus seemed to be that the hard part wasn’t feeling grateful. Feeling grateful is quite easy and feels good, too. But remembering to choose feelings of gratitude, now that takes focus. I had recognized long ago how hard it was to stay grateful. Here’s a journal entry from 2012. It illustrates the perpetual battle between gratitude and the ego-mind.

It’s Saturday night, and my husband and I are on our way to the city for dinner and a show. I’m wearing my long white coat (the one I only take out on special occasions) with the white hat, scarf, and mittens that someone once said made me look like I just stepped out of Vogue. It had been a blue-sky gleaming on bright snow kind of day in which we took the dogs for a walk. And the sun was just setting.

And where was I? I was worrying why this morning the antilock-brake warning had come on in my car and where in the world my cell phone charger was and did my boss think the over matter in the Level 4 Workbook could have been prevented.

So much for gratitude. The problem seemed to be that I was destined to miss out on my life because I was still constantly living in my head. And my head was never quiet and never pleased. 

I knew I wasn’t alone in this problem. It is indeed the ego-mind’s tendency to feel ungrateful by:

  • Taking what it has for granted by focusing more on what was wrong than what was right. “Now it seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table. But you only want the ones that you can’t get.”  (The Eagles)
  • Getting jaded, over and over again, by any given level of accumulation or success. “Soon all your plans and changes either fail or fade away.” (Jackson Browne)

Thus, the ego-mind is never grateful and this tendency sets up a road block to present experience. However, as soon as I asked myself the simple question: “What can you find to be grateful for?” my attention was effortlessly directed to my immediate surroundings and the sensory inputs that are an essential part of any experience. This focus on my body’s sensations, heart’s feelings, and inspirational desires brought me closer to what I had wanted for so long – the actual present experience of being alive in my own life.

So I redoubled my efforts to step out of my identification with my ego-mind and pay greater attention to the other players on my psyche’s personal team: body, heart, and soul. To help me do that, I imagined that there was a meter attached to each of those sources of input, and I named a particular fault that had been besetting each meter.

  • (Body) Since I was so focused on proving my abilities by showing how much I could do, the meter monitoring physical sensations of pain or discomfort was for the most part: Missing. 
  • (Heart) The meter to assess my emotions was seriously broken because the mandate to ignore my feelings in order to avoid teasing meant that, most of the time, I stuffed my feelings down. But at some point, those denied emotions would always flare up and ignite. Hence, my heart’s emotions either didn’t register or registered way too high – clearly, a Malfunctioning meter.
  • (Soul) In the case of my desires, I had followed too closely to our cultural mandate to become successful and not closely enough to my own intrinsic desires. Thus, the meter to assess my soul’s desires felt in some way Misguided. 
  • (Mind) Finally, the meter attached to my ego-mind’s inputs had two significant problems: One, the volume on that meter was set way too high so that it was hard to hear the input from the other meters. But the real problem with my ego-mind’s meter was that it was stuck monitoring the same old data it always had: data involving any aspect of proving or pleasing. I came to see the mind’s meter was faulty because it was Unmovable. 

This meter’s analogy, with its focus on gratitude for my felt-sense experiences, put my ego-mind on notice: You can no longer hog the driver’s seat and continue to ignore the requests of all the other passengers. We are heading towards the present moment whether you like it or not.

The songs in this Gratitude busic playlist firmly cemented my belief in the power of being grateful and the need to attend to my body’s sensations, heart’s feelings, and inspirational desires. The musicians describe how being alive in your life requires sensing and feeling your actual experience. All that it takes to access that present experience is to aim at gratitude. 

Another takeaway from the songs in the Gratitude busic was that in addition to being grateful for the present experiences of your life, a truly grateful heart also finds a way to accept the experiences that didn’t turn out as hoped. In short, gratitude must be built on a foundation of acceptance of what has happened.

Without such acceptance, there will always be blame of others OR guilt directed to yourself for what had happened. Acceptance, through honest forgiveness of self or other, is essential to getting free from the past. Any rebuke of the either the other or the self for actions in the past will clearly derail acceptance of the present.

But I had a big problem with the concept of acceptance. When it came to living with acceptance, I was certain that I already had it nailed. (Yes, I know I’m arrogant.) But come on. I never spent any time blaming my parents for the mottos they had imprinted on me. I recognized the value of those beliefs at the time. Nor did I go to guilting myself that it had taken me so long to figure out things that now seemed so obvious. The seed of acceptance for my deformities had been planted in me very early, and that level of acceptance was indeed one of my biggest gifts.

However, with all the negative examples in our culture of blaming and guilting, it was only time before even someone like me who had been firmly planted on the acceptance path would go astray. Here’s how my refresher course in the need for acceptance went down.

It was October and my husband and I were in Maine. The temperature fell below 32 and there was ice on the ground. Given my prosthetic, slippery ice is not my friend. So I asked my husband to take my elbow as we walked and to keep away from the ice. Of course, we walked right onto a patch of ice. I fell; he kept hold of my elbow; and my left rotator cuff, which had been already been torn in a previous battle with some stairs, got torn even more.

I did all the things you were supposed to do. But nothing helped, and I was in a great deal of pain. And, you know where this is headed – I spent a lot of time blaming him for my injury. We’re not talking days or weeks, we’re talking months.

Then the next part of my lesson in acceptance happened. One night getting out of bed, I slipped and fell tore my right rotator cuff. You’re probably asking, “How do you fall getting out of bed? But remember, I don’t have my prosthetic on when I’m sleeping so I have to stand on just one leg. That night I had left a blanket on the floor by my bed so when I stepped on the blanket, it slid out from under me. I lurched to the floor and onto my other shoulder.

This time, instead of going to blame for what had happened, I went to guilt toward myself for having left the blanket on the floor. I was now twice as miserable. Both physically and mentally.

However, with this double lesson, I began to believe that the solution lay in letting go. Letting go of any need to blame the other person and letting go of any need to guilt myself. Anytime those thoughts arose, I consciously turned my attention to the present and what I could actually do to improve my situation.

I made a very important realization. When I was doing yoga, in my efforts to keep my shoulders mobile, I was pushing past the pain just as I had in childhood and was hurting my shoulders more. But once I had let go of my need for blame or guilt, I realized that, while I couldn’t change what had happened in the past, I could change the old pattern of pushing past pain that I was now reusing in the present. With greater awareness in the present, both shoulders began to heal.

This lesson rekindled my original faith in acceptance. Trying to live in the present without first accepting the past is like planting a seed, watering and fertilizing the ground, but forgetting to take out the rocks first. And once the rocks have been removed, the best seed to plant is gratitude.

7. Gratitude

Alright – Darius Rucker

  • “I don’t need five star reservations – I got spaghetti and a cheap bottle of wine – I don’t need no concert in the city – I got a stereo and the ‘Best Of Patsy Cline’ – Ain’t got no caviar, no Dom Perignon – But as far as I can see I got everything I want.”

This song points out that gratitude requires focusing on what you have instead of what you don’t have. But it’s human nature to get jaded and take things for granted. Write your own lyrics in the form: “I don’t need… ’Cause I’ve got…” What would you sing about?

Beer Can Chicken – Kenny Chesney

  • “It’s the little things that make life worth living – Would you look at this night that we’ve been given?”

The book Simple Abundance helped me realize that the big things, like a promotion or a new car, didn’t prompt as much gratitude as a simple hug from a grandchild. “It’s the little things that make life worth living.” What little things are you grateful for? What experience is like “standing ‘round waiting for beer can chicken” for you?

Big Yellow Taxi – Joni Mitchell

  • “Don’t it always seem to go – That you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone? – They paved paradise – Put up a parking lot.”

This is the hallmark song about taking things for granted. All of the wonderful aspects of your life: health, relationships, and treasures will someday be gone. What in your life should you be savoring now so that you won’t someday say: “I didn’t know what I had till it was gone”?

Blessed – Brett Dennen

  • “Blessed is this life and I’m gonna celebrate being alive.”

I love Dennen’s wry sense of humor in songs like “Dancing at a Funeral” and “Already Gone.”  But there is no irony in the pure joy of these simple, repetitive lyrics: “Blessed is this life and I’m gonna celebrate being alive.” How could you increase your gratitude for the gift of being alive?

Blessed – Martina McBride

  • “I have been blessed – And I feel like I’ve found my way – I thank God for all I’ve been given – At the end of every day.”

Do you count the people in your life as part of your blessings? “To be here with the ones that love you. To love them so much that it hurts.” This song reminds you that “this love is a beautiful gift.” How have you been “blessed with so much more than you deserve” by the people in your life?

Dirty Dishes – Scotty McCreery

  • “I wanna thank You Lord for noisy children and slamming doors – And clothes scattered all over the floor – A husband workin’ all the time, draggin’ in dead tired at night.”

These lyrics transform the perspective of being bothered by “Dirty Dishes” into being grateful that those dishes represent having enough to eat. In what situations could you change your perspective of annoyance into one of appreciation?

Good Life – OneRepublic

  • “Oh, this has gotta be the good life – This has gotta be the good life – This could really be a good life, good life.”

This song questions your attitude toward gratitude. “When you’re happy like a fool do you let it take you over?”  Or do you: “Feel like there might be something that you’ll miss?” And “What is there to complain about?” Are the things you complain about really something to gripe about?

Grace and Gratitude – Olivia Newton-John

  • “Thank you for life – Thank you for everything – I stand here in grace and gratitude – And I thank you.”

This song opens my heart from the beginning chord. As said in the epigraph, “Music touches us emotionally where words alone can’t.” (Johnny Depp) How does this song’s message of heartfelt gratitude touch you?

Grateful – Better Than Ezra

  • I’m gonna be grateful every day – Make a little wave, and we’ll ride it – I’m gonna keep shakin’ off the shade – Make a little ray and I’ll shine it.”

Do you identify with the opening line: “Got a million things to do. What’s the point in tryin’?” Can you step into the uplifting response: “I’m trying anyway!” When you slip into a defeatist attitude, what helps you “shake off the shade”?

Grateful – John Bucchino & Michael Feinstein

  • “Grateful, grateful, truly grateful I am – Grateful, grateful, truly blessed and duly grateful.”

These lyrics are clear: “It’s not that I don’t want a lot or hope for more, or dream of more, but giving thanks for what I’ve got makes me happier than keeping score.” The lyrics also emphasize the element of choice in feeling grateful: “Whatever stone life may sling we can moan or we can sing.” Do you tend to moan or sing?

Grateful – Rita Ora

  • “I’m grateful for the pain – For everything that made me break – I’m thankful for all my scars – ‘Cause they only made my heart – Grateful, grateful, grateful.”

This song is from the film Beyond the Lights. When a hot new musician finds the pressure too much, she tries to commit suicide. The lyrics stress the importance of gratitude for all that has happened – pain included. “I’m proud of every tear, ’cause they got me here.” What storms in your life “made you appreciate the sun”?

Heavenly Day – Patty Griffin

  • “Forget all our troubles in these moments so few – All we’ve got right now, the only thing that we really have to do – Is have ourselves a heavenly day.”

When our oldest son got married, we choose the Van Morrison song “Mama Said There’s Be Days Like This” for the mother-son dance. It was truly one of those “Heavenly Days.” What days in your life were your “Heavenly Days”?  How often do you remember to cherish those days?

I Could Not Ask For More – Edwin McCain

  • These are the moments I thank God that I’m alive – These are the moments I’ll remember all my life.”

This is another song that emphasizes the importance of appreciating those times when “you could not ask for more.” It’s our human nature to glide over those moments in our search for bigger and better. What would help you remember to be grateful for those actual moments?

Lessons Learned – Carrie Underwood

  • “Every day I wondered how I’d get through the night – Every change life has thrown me – I’m thankful for every break in my heart.”

“Scars” can be viewed as necessary to the process of becoming ourselves.  Can you feel thankfulness for “every tear that had to fall from your eyes”? In all of it, “Some pages turned. Some bridges burned. But there were lessons learned.”  What painful lessons do you now see in a different light?

Lucky Man –  Montgomery Gentry

  • “I know I’m a lucky man – God’s given me a pretty fair hand.”

From the opening “I have days when I hate my job” this song describes the tendency to complain. “I look around at what everyone has and I forget about all I’ve got.” What would it take for you to stop complaining and be grateful because “even your bad days ain’t that bad”?

Oh, What a World – Kacey Musgraves

  • “All kinds of magic all around us – It’s hard to believe -Thank God it’s not too good to be true”

Your life and all the things in it are indeed real and full of magic. Do you ever  “thank God it’s not too good to be true”? Being alive really is the greatest gift, but it won’t last forever. What real things will you at some point “not wanna leave”?

Thank You Lord – Chris Tomlin 

  • “Thank you Lord for the small things – Me and her on the porch swing – For summer nights and fireflies – And the sound of my old six string.”
This song focuses on gratitude both for “the small things,” like “waking up today,” and for “the hard times” that served as lessons. Are you grateful for all of your life experiences or should you be singing along when the lyrics say, “I don’t say thank you enough”?

Tuesdays – Jake Scott

  • “I’ve come to know that love’s not only the best days – Or the worst days – Love is the Tuesdays.”

This song is framed as fatherly advice given to a young man when asking the dad for his daughter’s hand. The father reminds him to be grateful for all manifestations of love: in special occasions, in the inevitable horrible fighting, and in the ordinariness of Tuesdays. How often are you grateful for all the forms of love”?

What a Wonderful World – Louis Armstrong

  • “I see skies of blue and clouds of white – The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night – And I think to myself what a wonderful world.”

The song title summarizes the message of the Gratitude busic playlist in four words: “What a Wonderful World.” You have access to each of the items listed in the chorus, but how often do you take time to appreciate them? What would help you appreciate your most “wonderful world” more frequently?

Where I Find God – Larry Fleet

  • “That song the crickets are singin’ –  I don’t know what they’re sayin’ – But it sounds like a hymn to me.”

In this song, gratitude is expressed in a conversation with God. “Now I ain’t too good at prayin’, but thanks for everything.” How you choose to express gratitude is a personal choice. All that matters is the underlying feeling of wonderment at the marvels of life. When and where do those feelings occur most easily for you? 

CONCLUSION

There will always be setbacks, sorrows, and loss. They are part of the vulnerability and lack of control of being human. But gratitude for all that has occurred and for the gift of life itself is the secret path.

The important thing to remember is that gratitude is a choice – even though it tends to be the harder choice. As Tony Robbins said, “Most people have a highway to upset and a dirt road to happiness.” You might choose the gratitude path in self-defense from your own negative patterning. Or you could choose it from a belief in gratitude’s creative power. Either way, choose it well and choose it often. For gratitude is indeed a key to unlocking the door to the present moment. 

 

[(CARTOON – FIRST FRAME) PERSON STANDING AT HEAVEN’S GATE TALKING TO ST. PETER: “I WASN'T GRATEFUL FOR MY LIFE.” (SECOND FRAME) ST. PETER: “ GET IN LINE.” (LONG LINE OF PEOPLE TRAINING OUT OF VIEW.)]

NEW APP
Nobel Prize Award

My husband and I play a game that promotes gratitude by reminding us not to take things for granted. It’s called the Nobel Prize Award. Anytime one of us is appreciating some aspect of life, we grant the creator of that entity a Nobel Prize.  As in, “Whoever invented iced coffee should get a Nobel Prize.” Or better yet: “Whoever invented swim-up bars should get a Nobel Prize.”

Start granting your own Nobel Prizes. Post a list of your awards where others will notice them and can add their own awards with gratitude.

OPERATING SYSTEM UPDATE
The Secret – Rhonda Byrne

The Secret was first released as a film in March 2006 and later published as a book. Its theoretical position is based on the Law of Attraction, which states that the thoughts you think create the life you are now experiencing.  

The creative power of positive intention has been well-accepted for years. It’s the premise of the adult book The Power of Positive Thinking. The kid’s version is The Little Engine that Could. People have been espousing this concept for years and not just the touchy-feely group, but the everyday variety including Henry Ford, Frank Lloyd Wright, and Walt Disney.

  • “Whether you think that you can, or think that you can’t, you’re usually right.” (Henry Ford)
  • “The thing always happens that you believe in; and the belief in the thing makes it happen.” (Frank Lloyd Wright)
  • “If you can dream it, you can do it.” (Walt Disney)

My shorthand version of the Law of Attraction is:

  • Everything gets created in consciousness first.
  • What you focus on in consciousness gets created.
  • So hold in consciousness what you want to create.

If you’re constantly complaining about something, that complaint is what gets created. If, however, your consciousness is focused on what you are grateful for, more of whatever causes your gratitude gets manifest. “There are just two words standing between you and happiness and the life of your dreams.… Thank you.” (Rhonda Byrne)

479 thoughts on “7. Gratitude”

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